Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
