I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We need to get me chipped asap
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
