Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
