You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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