im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
