Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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