dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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