i may or may not be watching the land before time
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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