i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
