The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
