the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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