I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
