The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
