Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
