never play flip cup with pint glasses
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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