At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
