He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
