Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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