there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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