I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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