Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
