I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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