ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
