"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
