If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
