Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you win again, gameday.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
