That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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