my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
