it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is classic penis vs brain.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
