by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
