We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
