there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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