How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
