just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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