Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
