He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
