He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
