her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
