I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
