Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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