he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
