honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
