if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
