There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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