i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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