Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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