Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
