All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
