new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think i have two assholes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
