her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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