I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
